Honouring your emotions, including 'heroic' crying
Hi all,
Something really sad happened recently.
My cat was killed by two dangerous dogs. She was taken right from our doorstep.
It’s been an odd two weeks. The shock lasted a couple of days. I noticed that my heart was often beating hard in my chest, like when you’ve had one too many coffees. My mind was whirling with so many different thoughts. Big waves of emotions came and went. Some felt bigger than my body at times.
I am so thankful for all the practices I have that are guiding me through this. Along with some excellent resources of death, grieving and forgiveness. I also have many wonderful kind people in my life who are offering up a lot of love.
Sadly, it’s not a tragic accident, but somewhat intentional. So it makes it a rather sticky situation. I have been sitting with anger, confusion, sadness but also joy, love and gratitude for my sweet Burnie cat. I’ve had her for 15 years, since she was a kitten. She’s a real character. It feels like a family member is gone…
This is what life’s giving me to work with right now. So I keep an open mind and heart, and lean into what’s here.
I apologise for the somewhat stark opener!
Here’s Friday Feels, my weekly email featuring snippets from my world of coaching, meditation and breathwork – with the intention to share information that brings joy, wonder and self-reflection.
1. Song of the week
Save Me by Aimee Mann (listen on Spotify and YouTube)
I am learning this on guitar. I love it! I’ve not seen the film Magnolia, which it’s famous for – have you?
When Burnie died, I sat on the kitchen floor with her body gently swaddled in a towel next to me. I sang and played to her on guitar. That felt quite healing.
Burnie wasn’t keen on the guitar – I guess the sound was intense for her sensitive ears – so I smiled at the fact she finally stayed with me as I played.
2. Quote of the week
“A memory without the emotional charge is called wisdom.”
— Dr Joe Dispenza
Our mind may not remember, but our nervous system does. Often in life, we are carrying around so much emotional charge connected to past events. When we are able to release the emotional charge, we are left with just the wisdom – the learning – of our lived experience. Breathwork is such a helpful tool at releasing emotional charge from the body, which is why I bang on about it all the time!
I am still running my free weekly breathwork sessions, every Wednesday at 8pm UK time. Here’s the Zoom link – pop it in your calendar, so you can join whenever you feel like it.
3. Practice of the week
A heroic cry.
Mike and I have a rule. That I don’t need him to come and check on me if he hears me crying. I will come and get him if I need him. So one day last week, I excused myself and went upstairs to our bedroom. I could feel emotion building up inside of me. I could have pushed it away. But I see crying as a body process, a bit like sneezing or vomiting (lovely!), in that it’s our body trying to get something out and release. It’s better out than in.
So out the tears came!
I cried. I cried for Burnie. I asked why. I shouted at the dog owner in the privacy of my bedroom. I swore at him. I hammered my rage onto the bed pillows with my fists. My jaw clenched, ugly crying, my body tight with anger.
WHAT THE FUCK!? WHY DID THAT HAVE TO HAPPEN?
I shouted… she didn’t deserve that… I sobbed into the duvet. The same duvet Burnie would lovingly roll on every day.
This is what I warmly refer to as a ‘heroic cry’. To really let go. They don’t happen that often. But it’s cathartic to release. Breath, sound, movement and words are ways to really let the emotions flow. So I don’t judge myself for what it looks or sounds like. I trust my body will release as it needs to. Emotions can move in 90 seconds through the body if we allow them. I was probably in this state for about 5 minutes. I felt a deep sense of peace after all that energy had subsided.
4. Teaching of the week
Honour your emotions.
I believe that we are responsible for our emotional state. We may not always be able to control our emotions, but we’re responsible for what we do (or don’t do) with them. Control is not the same as suppression. Controlling our emotions is a bit like controlling the weather – you can rebel against it, complain and moan, but it’s rather pointless and just creates extra suffering.
Instead, my loving invitation to you is to work with what’s here! Wishing you felt differently is to reject what you feel. And if you are denying what you feel, then this erodes your sense of self-trust over time and you stop listening to the body.
Your emotions are valid. Can you accept what you feel? Trust me, at points over the last couple of weeks, I have not wanted to feel what I feel! So I take my time and I am gentle with myself. I get plenty of rest. I reduce the pressure on myself by clearing space in my diary (another great benefit of being my own boss!) I stay hydrated, eat well, and use plenty of breathwork + cold water to stimulate my nervous system so I can release emotions as I go.
Listening to our emotions can mean we start to spot other things are there too. I notice that I am also so grateful for Burnie. I have such happiness in my heart! I choose to cultivate that. ‘Follow the light, because that’s where the love is’, as my friend Sabira said recently.
I stay curious about emotions as they arise. Because you know what? I have felt the depths of my aliveness in the grief the last couple of weeks too. When we can be present to the fullness of our emotions, the richness that’s here might just surprise you.
5. Client win of the week
‘I’ve just had one of the biggest weeks of my life.’
How would you feel if you lost your job? Panicked? Or excited?
This happened to a coaching client of mine. Rather spookily, she lost her job the same week I lost my job three years ago (I share more about my story on Instagram here).
For me, that was the invitation to GO FOR IT! To change careers and work for myself. And this is exactly the way my client saw it too. Rather than slide into a victim mindset, she’s turning shit into gold! This is the Universe giving her a great big ol’ nudge.
Over the last 6 months, we’ve been working closely together to build her business up from the ground up. So when she lost her job, instead of freaking out and finding another job, she was totally tuned into the opportunity that this was. She IS her own job security, because she can now work full time for herself.
Of course it was a shock, so we held space for the fears, doubts and worries to come through. Once those emotions subsided, she was like ‘I am fucking READY. Bring it on!’
In the space of just a few weeks, some big opportunities landed for her. Ones that she wouldn’t have been able to see or leverage when she was working 9-5pm. She said to me this week, ‘I’ve just had one of the biggest weeks of my life’, in terms of income, holding space for clients, getting new business and long-term opportunities coming her way. This is what happens when you say YES to life! I am so so so proud of her! It takes courage to see life in this way and all the wonderful results coming now are testament to the deep internal work she’s done on her mindset, beliefs and goals.
The liberation of energy she is experiencing is so invigorating too! Her whole face is brighter. Some pain in her back has melted away, an example of emotional tension shifting when we’re no longer needing to stay involved with something that’s not aligned.
It’s such an honour to have a front row seat to my client’s transformations. They really are doing the work!
What utter superstars my clients all are ⭐!
I have a few coaching spots available, so get in touch if you’d like to know more.
Work with me
If you are wanting to get clear on what’s important to YOU in life, come and join my retreat!
The retreat is 24th – 27th June in North Wales with my good friend, Craig Seaton. What will feature at the retreat?
Breathwork – Cold Water Therapy – Yoga – Meditation – Group Coaching – Hikes in Nature – Vegan Food – Juices – Fire Side Chats – Dream Work – and so much more! ✨
Contact me to find out more.
That’s it for this week’s Friday Feels! I appreciate some of what I’ve shared today may have been quite triggering. I am here if you want to talk about what you feel/notice. I wish to be to be more open in life, rather than hide away.
Thanks for letting me open up here 😊
Big love,
Briony x
P.S. If you’ve never read one of these blog posts before, oh hey! 👋
Friday Feels is a weekly newsletter and blog where I share inspiring things from my world of coaching, meditation and breathwork. It’s my honour to share what I know and am passionate about. Thanks for sharing this space with me.
And I’d love to hear from you! Any cool things you’re studying and learning about spirituality, personal development or just general life stuff, please do share! I can even feature it in a future Friday Feels email and give you a shout out x
