The power of connection and community
Hi everyone,
Ohhh, I have been feeling totes emosh this week. On a rollercoaster.
Some days, I’ve been flying high and totally in my element one moment, and then feeling super triggered and tearful the next. A few years ago, I would have judged all these intense emotional wobbles and asked: “WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME?!” I would have chided myself. But now I know it’s OK to go with the flow. Much like a toddler that’s sobbing one moment and happily laughing the next, I am embracing my emotional expression and freedom. More on that below!
Big deep breath in! And off we go…!
1. Song of the week
Epiphany by Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross from the Pixar movie, Soul (Spotify and YouTube)
According to my Spotify Wrapped stats, this is one of my top tunes from 2021. I often use this track at the end of breathwork sessions. I find the lingering melody has an edge of soft, heart-centered melancholy. It’s a feeling that can rise up for me sometimes, if I expand out to consider the wholeness of this humanity. The fullness of our existence, and all the light and dark that’s here.
I’m tearing up now, just listening to it!
2. Quote of the week
“Safety is not the absence of threat… it is the presence of connection.” – Dr. Gabor Maté
Connection and community are wired into our DNA. We literally need it to survive as infants. And it’s what allows us to thrive in our adult years.
Healthy connection supports the regulation of our nervous system and creates embodied feelings of safety and trust. Meaningful connection takes time, and healthy connection is a consistent practice. As adults, these connections need both parties to nurture them. In the last 18 months, I’ve created many beautiful new connections and am enjoying exploring being part of new communities, as well as creating my own (like Breathwork Wednesdays!)
In this time of great upheaval and human drama, we need connection more than ever. To keep remembering the commonality in our humanity.
I’d love to invite you to a space of meaningful connection. Myself and Briana Pharos are hosting a special virtual retreat across two weekends, as we explore triggers and emotional regulation techniques.
Check out more info about the virtual retreat here. In the words of Timothy Leary, “find the others”.
3. Practice of the week
Emotional expression! I am super keen on emotional regulation techniques. For example, breathwork, cold water, meditation, grounding exercises, time in nature, speaking to a safe and trusted person etc. These are all ways in which one can support a healthy nervous system. But what about losing your sh*t? I mean, having a melt down. Crying your heart out. Allowing yourself to feel your anger.
I am increasingly aware of how I sometimes use my skills of emotional regulation to subtly suppress what I feel, because… I don’t want to feel it! A buzz word these days is “emotional intelligence”. But how can we *truly* explore emotional intelligence [EQ] without feeling our feelings? i.e. allowing ourselves to feel upset, snotty, cry. To get angry and shout. To FEEL and to express in safe and conscious ways is how we cultivate more EQ. When our emotional expression is witnessed by others, without judgement, that’s how we normalise human emotional expression. And this allows for healthy processing and integration of that emotional charge.
So what I’m saying to you is: don’t be afraid of your emotions. Yes, try not to throw them at other people. Take responsibility for what you feel, but can you allow yourself to FEEL it? And to EXPRESS it!
I’ve got some tissues if you need them.
4. Article of the week
“The Vaccine Moment, part two: On Symbol and Story” by Paul Kingsnorth.
In coaching sessions with my clients, no topic is off the table. When we work together, they have the freedom to talk about whatever is on their mind or heart. It is not my space to judge, but to listen. I wonder if I can open up to you in that way?
And perhaps noticing what judgements come up as you read this. After all, awareness is what I am about! So if we can be *aware* of our judgments, that’s a hugely valuable self-awareness practice right there.
Aside from human behaviour, I am also interested in the power of stories and how they shape our worldview and society (you may recall this Friday Feels from October, that featured the power of stories!). And the pandemic is no exception. We are experiencing the chaos that can emerge as our societal narratives fracture.
As such, I’m recommending you check out the article linked above by Paul Kingsnorth, writer, ecologist and activist.
The pandemic is a complex and fast moving story (and talk about emotional expression – it’s hella triggering too!) I mean, we’re talking “life and death” style narrative, huge social upheaval, rampant cognitive dissonance and an Internet rabbit hole to back pretty much any belief/idea. Here’s a snippet from the Kingsnorth’s article that stood out for me:
“I wrote last time that this virus was apocalyptic, in the sense that it was revealing things previously hidden. One of these things has been the fractured nature of our stories; and that in turn has revealed just how fragile many of our societies are. The myth of Progress tells us we should have faith in certain things – accumulated scientific knowledge; accredited and ‘educated’ experts; journalists who investigate the facts of a story and then explain them to us; the human ability to establish truth – but the process of narrative fracture, which stems from a crisis of trust and legitimacy, means that not only do we not trust these things, but we can’t even agree on what many of them mean. Filter that in turn through the hall of mirrors that is the Internet, and the stage is set for mass confusion, and a consequent deepening of hostility, mistrust and fear.”
What comes up for you reading that snippet? What thoughts are in the mind? Feelings in the body? Do parts ring true? Do you disagree? All is welcome here.
I guess we’re all grasping for some sense of meaning, myself included. To try to uncover what is true. Can we ever really know what is “true”? I am not sure. But I know I will keep asking questions and keep an open heart.
Reminder: everyone is doing the best they can with the awareness they have.
5. Client win of the week
A lovely coaching client got in touch to share with me how breathwork has positively impacted their recovery from Long Covid. When working together, we did regular meditation and breathwork sessions alongside coaching throughout 2020 (I like using a mixed approach!)
From all their experience with breathwork, they were able to utilise nose breathing practices we did together along with belly breathing. As a result, they’ve made a significant recovery in their lungs and rib muscles. I am so delighted to hear how they’ve continued to use breathwork to support their journey back to wellness.
This is not an area I am a specialist in, but rather it reflects the far reaching benefits of breathwork. That said, I do know of highly trained breathwork practitioners supporting people with Long Covid and asthma, so get in touch if you’d like me to recommend people to speak to.
If anything tricky has come up for you reading this today, know you’re never alone. You can always reach out, to feel that presence and connection, as Gabor Maté says.
Big love + a warm hug,
Briony x
P.S. What is this Friday Feels email about? In case you’re reading this for the first time (hello!), I share a weekly email with snippets from my world of coaching, meditation and breathwork. My intention is to share useful, joyful or interesting tidbits, which may serve you in some way 🙏
Photo by Marek Piwnicki from Pexels
