The power of reframing and embracing a positive mindset
“What if everything is always working out for me?”
Have you ever been on a holiday where seemingly everything starts to go wrong? “Damnit! I just want to relax!” My mind was sulking, as my camping trip to Scotland seemed to be going awry pretty fast. But this week has reminded me of some excellent lessons, which I wanted to share with you. I ended up having a whole other adventure! Just not the one that I had planned…
Sulking when things go wrong
I’ve been away for a week in a VW camper van, around the Trossachs and Stirling in Scotland. Over 7 nights, I *had* planned to go further – to Fort William and Loch Ness – but the universe had other ideas! We got a flat tire on the morning of Day 2 and a whole new adventure started! At first, I was upset that I’d caused that to happen – beating myself up and noticing critical thoughts like “why wasn’t I more careful?” (Even though I had been driving cautiously). As we chilled by the shore of Loch Venachar waiting for the AA man, I took lots of deep breaths and tried to soothe myself. “hey, we’ve got food, water, shelter and resources. It’s all good”.
When the AA man arrived – William to the rescue! – nothing continued to be straight forward. D’oh! There were issues with the spare wheel, issues with the wheel nuts (even William was getting fecked off at this point!), issues with finding a replacement tire (on a Sunday!) within safe driving distance when driving on a spare. We ended up needing to totally sack off our original plans in pursuit of getting the tire sorted over the next few days.
It was a ball-ache and frustrating, especially as each solution seemingly then brought a fresh challenge. The relaxing trip we had planned was quickly turning into a logistical, “Challenge Anneka” style event, calling up local mechanics, looking at maps and campsites. Fast forward to us hanging out in Clydebank on Day 3 and Day 4, and a super kind mechanic offering us to pitch up our campervan on his driveway overnight.
It was a faff and both me and Mike took turns to grumble that things were turning out this way. But! We also knew that staying sulky doesn’t actually change anything. It just creates more suffering. So! We decided to hold space for each of us to have a good vent and release the negativity, before pulling our socks up and deciding to make the best of the situation. With some Googling and calling around local places, we found a campsite that we could safely drive to on the spare tire, whilst we waited for our new tire to be delivered… And that campsite ended up being Ardoch House, a grade 1 listed historical site! Turns out, we accidentally discovered the home of mountaineer John Muir and ended up staying in the beautiful grounds of West Highland Way campsite, and home of Ardoch House.
I love playing with the thought experiment “what if everything is always working out for me?” That, somehow, even though I can’t really see how or why, what’s happening in this moment is somehow working out for the best. And the trip started to take on a magical feeling, as I began to genuinely tap into the belief that this was an adventure to embrace, if I opened up myself to going with the flow, rather than bitching about it.
“What if everything is always working out for me?”
When sharing our unexpected adventure to the owner of Ardoch House, Dru, he quipped, “man plans and God laughs”. Indeed! But as I sit here in a cosy dry robe in the foothills of Scafell Pike at the end of this week long adventure, I realise that there’ve been many incredible experiences, which wouldn’t have happened if we didn’t get a flat tire.
Things that wouldn’t have happened if we didn’t get a flat tire:
An extra night in Loch Katrine, where I had a beautiful experience waking up in the middle of the night, during the full moon, stargazing for an hour, looking up at the Pleiades, Orion and Taurus constellations. I also swam several more times in Loch Katrine, which was just stunning and barely a soul in sight.
Meeting the super kind, salt of the earth chaps at Kilbowie Tyres who really went out of their way to help us.
Having a candle-lit dinner in Ardoch House, a Grade I listed building.
Scrambling down into the Devil’s Pulpit, a stunning gorge which has a red river carving through it.
Hearing about Glengoyne Distillery from the locals and going to visit – their whole ethos is around being the slowest whisky distiller in Scotland: “Sometimes the right way is the long way”.
Hiking parts of the West Highland Way around Blanefield and Conic Hill off the shores of Loch Lomond – I have already done a lot of the West Highland Way, so this covered other parts I had not yet done.
Frolicking in huge ancient forests where Ewoks had been roaming (we’d been told about new Star Wars being filmed locally very recently).
An extra night in Wasdale – where my dad’s family has heritage going back to 1500 – giving us time to explore.
Meeting a lovely woman when swimming in the crystal clear cool waters of Wastwater, next to Scafell Pike – England’s highest mountain. She’s local to me and we’ve exchanged details so I can introduce her to other wild swimming buddies.
Life lessons
What are the lessons for this experience?
When you start to feel frustration and anger, or general grumpiness building, it’s healthy to let it out (vent) and then let it go.
Notice also how other people’s bad mood may trigger you, and see if you can create space within you to allow their mood to pass through you. Other people’s emotions are theirs to feel, you don’t need to take it onboard as well.
People are so kind. Everyone we met was so lovely and people tried to help wherever they could.
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with it.” Shit’s gonna happen, but we’re literally talking about first world problems here, so staying chilled and rolling with the punches is key to not allowing a victim mindset and bad mood to linger and fester.
“The obstacle is the way” – things going wrong is a chance to learn, to let go of plans (whilst God laughs at you!), to be open to help and being friendly and kind to others.
Reframing a situation and looking at it through this lens – “How is everything always working out for me?” – means that your start to see special moments and experiences.
There’s a *very* good tyre specialist in Clydebank (Kilbowie Tyres!) if you ever need them (from their Facebook page: “Can fit tubes an mot bike tyres if the wheels r off starting to do brakes give me a call for quotes and availability”)
To quote the late great Douglas Adams, “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” And the mountains of Trossachs and around Blanefield were clearly where I needed to be. And I’m grateful to Mike for being my Adventure Pal, and the patience and love we have for each other, especially during the bumpy parts of life’s journey.
What are the ways in which you try to help yourself when things are going awry? I’d love to know – drop me a comment or a DM on Instagram.
Big love,
Briony x
